As you look over each of the previous twelve tips you will see that one of the many benefits of following these twelve steps is that they take the guesswork out of supervision, and tell you exactly why your employees hate you. As for the steps themselves, they are not that hard. Once you remember that you are the boss and all this is yours, the rest is easy. You make the rules, the employees follow them. How simple is that? The real beauty of this approach is that if your employees decide that they hate you more than they love their job, they will leave. That gives you the opportunity to start all over again recruiting, hiring, and hopefully training new ones. There is something to be said for always having a new supply of employees to play with.
12. Political correctness is just not all that important. After all, who is to say what is correct and what is just people being overly sensitive? If they would just do their jobs and stop worrying about the small stuff. Everyone knows that when you address your people as “guys” and “men” you mean both the men and the girls. They also know that you are just kidding around with your ethnic jokes or daily flirting with your female employees. People just need to lighten up a bit and realize that your harmless fun is just that, harmless fun.
11. Take credit for their successes. The thinking on this is simple. They work for you, so any good ideas they come up with basically belong to you. That is one of the perks of being the boss. They are they to make you look good. After all, they get paid to get results, and your job is to make sure they get them. Therefore, the credit rightfully belongs to you. After all, if it weren’t for your excellent training and constant monitoring, they wouldn’t be doing so well. And as for the people you report to, they don’t need to know the specifics of who does what in your group, only that you are doing a great job. Employees come and go, you intend to stick around.
10. Check up on them all the time. It is a proven fact that employees cannot be trusted. They need strict rules and regulations and very close monitoring. Without that, they just take over the place and start slacking off by coming in late, playing hooky, pilfering the company supplies, and doing shoddy work. As the boss, you really have to keep a close watch. After all, isn’t what that entire “management by walking around” theory that was so popular in the 80s was all about? How will employees know they are being watched if they don’t see you doing it? Of course, with the advances in technology you have a lot more options. You can install video cameras in the supply room to guard the company supply of paper clips, data trackers on computers to see exactly who is checking their personal email at work, and even security cameras at doorways to help you know if people are sneaking out early. It is sad that you can’t trust your employees but you understand that that is just the way things are.
9. Lie if you have to. When you are the boss you soon find out that the truth is totally overrated. After all, if all your employees know everything, they will have an opinion about everything. If you want their opinion you will give it to them. After all, they are not there to think, just to do their job. For example, if your employees know exactly how much money you have in your training budget, they will want to weigh in on how it should be spent. That is your decision. It is much easier just to say there is no money to do things, and then pretend to find some when you see something you really want. Lying also works as a great motivator. When you promise pay raises to employees if they do a good job, you definitely see their performance improve. That can go on for many months or even years. Then, when you finally have to tell them that there is no money in the budget for pay raises, they can’t really blame you, can they? After all, things are tough everywhere. In the meantime, you motivated them to do their best which is exactly what a boss is supposed to do.
8. Play favorites. After all, as the boss, you have the right to decide who gets the best assignments, pay raises, and promotions. And shouldn’t that be the employees you like the best? Why on earth would you do anything else? After all, you need to surround yourself with loyal employees and what better way to win their loyalty than to give them special privileges? And, when it comes to things like training opportunities and developmental assignments, why train and develop employees you don’t like and don’t intend to ever promote? And if anyone dares to complain, you can surely come up with a lot of reasons why their work is inferior. By playing favorites, you have added the bonus of knowing that after a while, all those employees you don’t like so much will probably start looking for another job. Then, it will just be you and your buddies in your own little kingdom. A dream come true.
7. Develop staff by giving nebulous instructions and multiple changes of direction. Employees need to be kept on their toes and nothing does that like giving directions that can be interpreted several ways so you can sit back and see what they do with them. That is a fine way to distinguish the good players from the mediocre ones. Nebulous directions enables employees to use their creativity and deductive reasoning to try to figure out what you want them to do. This is a great skill-building exercise. And, for those who fail to figure out the assignment correctly, you have the added bonus of a public reprimand. Multiple changes of direction are also great for keeping employees in active pursuit of success. Just when they think they can rest on their laurels and pat themselves on the back for a job well done, you can change directions on where you want to go and have them start all over. Some might grumble but those are the ones who don’t understand how much your constant change in direction is teaching them. After all, work is supposed to be hard. That’s why they call it work.
6. Publicly announce private things. This one is great. Everyone on your staff has private things they are reluctant to share with their colleagues and who better than the boss to help them out with this? After all, as the boss, you are the one to ensure that you have an environment of open communication. If you don’t tell your employees what’s going on with each other, how can they support each other in their times of need? If this is truly a team, there should be no secrets. Telling everyone everything helps build camaraderie among the troops, and help each one of them know that he is not the only one with a drug-addicted child or alcoholic spouse. Maybe they can even start their own little support group, all because you are so good about getting everything out in the open.
5. Use humor as a weapon. Well, not really a weapon so much as just an alternate way to get your message across. There is nothing like a sharp, snappy sarcastic comment to keep people in their place. After all, isn’t the work environment supposed to be fun? And, you have some great one-liners because your people give you so much material to work with. Teasing and making fun of people work well also. The added bonus is that this helps you find out who the smart ones are since they will be the ones who get your jokes. And if the others get upset, not to worry. It’s not your fault they don’t have a sense of humor.
4. Praise in private. You probably won’t need to do this often, but on that rare occasion when you just can’t get out of providing what the management books refer to as, “positive reinforcement”, just call the employee into your office and get it over as quickly as possible. You don’t even need to provide any details. Just a quick pat on the back and an “Atta boy” will suffice. And don’t even think about bringing it up in a staff meeting unless you want a mutiny. People are jealous and petty and you don’t want to cause any altercations. And, don’t worry if you are too busy to give that “Atta boy” right away. Sometimes it is good to make people wait. That way they don’t get overconfident.